"Life is essentially a cheat and its conditions
are those of defeat; the redeeming things are not happiness
and pleasure but the deeper satisfactions that come out of struggle."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
As the world gets larger, our worlds get smaller, and everything we thought we knew becomes a question.
We question ourselves, what is wrong and what is right, and sometimes our morals are flexible and pliable as silly puddy.
These shapes and mishapes are formed in our imagination by our childhood selves, and we delve deeper and deeper down into what we wish we would not become, but we can't help it. We are after all just an accumulation of savage experience. A raw compilation of our memories and mishaps.
We can only pray to a God we are never sure exists that he might have mercy on our souls, and forgive us for everything... even our doubts of his existence.
I have no morals, I have abandoned them for tragedy. Abandoned them for a lack of self worth...
I don't know why... God knows why.
I hope that means he will forgive me.
I still pray, before each meal I am thankful to him, to eat, to sleep, to dream... but mostly to hope.
I am thankful to him for hope... of a better day tomorrow. ..
please God let tomorrow be a better day.